Ogres and elephants…

As many of you know my parents are in the process of building a new house. I have basically have been their right hand woman, since I am unemployed so great at it. We have been doing all the painting and woodwork on our own, and doing a great job at it. But for some reason the carpendar seems to think you must put nails every 3 inches otherwise the woodwork will fall off the house. I mean come on, do you think there is going to be a hurricane in the house, in NEBRASKA? Don’t get me wrong, he does amazing work.

So anyways, I come in yesterday and ask what needs to be done, filling nail holes. Oh JOY! There is 50 bazillion nail holes to be filled. What am I to use? Wood filler is time consuming and just doesn’t do a great job, we are going to use wood putty. GREAT, one step, not a problem. Opening up the little jar…..it’s brown and it feels like snot. It looks like buggers, but this is what we are going to use. Shrek may have well just blew his nose in that jar. Oh great. Fantastic. Thanks a f-ing lot Jerry, for putting 50 billion nail holes that I have to fill with ogre snot. So much fun.

So filling hole I go, and as I walk in the bed room. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT! I look down and here neatly on a empty cement bag is what looks like the biggest dump from a cement elephant. Oh thanks Bruce the tile guy, for leaving this sweet little present. At least it doesn’t smell, and the dogs won’t want to roll around in it, like dog are certain to do if given a chance. What is this a friggin fantasy animal kingdom here, ogres and elephants??

Still puzzles by this all, scratching my head, I go down stairs. Admiring the work. It all happened so fast, but in slow motion. Oh what pretty balasters, taking a sips of my brand new soda.  ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ccccccccccccccccccccccccc kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk, a blur of motion, grab rail, shit what if its not secured yet? Grab iron balasters, miss, grab the railing miss, grab the balaster, miss, shiiiiiiiiiittttttt, this is really going to hurt, oh but the balasters really looks awesome, grab again, miss, grab at the air, miss, crap, don’t spill the Diet Pepsi. Finially grab rail, sweet wood, oh I love you!! Ouch, I think I am hurt. Ow, ow, ow, damn stair. Hate you! You grabbed my ankle! Grrrrrrr…….

At least I didn’t spill my soda.

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Published in: on April 4, 2009 at 5:20 pm  Leave a Comment  

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